Man Flu DOES NOT EXIST

As you may have noticed, I have been a bit quiet lately. I have come down with the dreaded “Man Flu”.

2 weeks ago my wife and I went out for a Date Night, we went out for a lovely late lunch at a local Yum Cha restaurant where we ordered whatever we wanted, ate what we wanted, took our time and even managed to finish a conversation 10 minutes after finishing our meal without rushing out the door. This is where I noticed that I wasn’t feeling very well… I only had the one serving of chicken’s feet and didn’t even manage to squeeze in a solitary pork bun. 

We then went to a friends 40th Birthday and even the warmth of the gas heater, beanie and a strategically placed show tea towel couldn’t help.

We went home early and as the kids were having a sleep over at the in-laws, I didn’t wake them up with my wailing and shivering… I sat in the shower freezing as the hot steamy water pelted down on my body (hold on, sorry… this isn’t a 50 Shades of Grey blog) with snot flowing out of me also (aaah, that’s better).

I slept most of the next day, but that didn’t help much and come Monday, the kids were having tuck shop and I managed to get them to school just on the bell. I had it bad, 39.6 temp and pseudoephedrine quickly became my best friend… the doctor told me it was viral and told me to rest… pffft… I’m a mother, what’s that!? All the kids had some sort of illness (except Jaec 7). This wasn’t a fun time for any of us.

By Thursday I thought I was through the worst of it. I woke up sweating like a pig and I looked like this.

I got through the rest of the week, my mum arrived from Sydney for Izaac’s b’day. I actually started to feel OK by Saturday and thought I’d take advantage of the live in babysitter and took Mel out for dinner. A friend’s band (Stealth Approach) was playing at a local and I even managed to have a couple light shandy’s. I woke up for Izaac’s birthday on Sunday and still wasn’t great… I toughed it out through the ten pin bowling party and made it home. Then it hit… hard again. I guess Mel and I can’t have a night out together :/.

Back to the doc’s on Monday, she prescribed Rulide, as it had turned bronchial and I had an ear infection. Mel had to have the week off work, I had no energy and was either on the lounge or in bed… Mel knew it was bad, but not that bad until I told her that I hadn’t had a coffee for over a week. By Wednesday, she took me to hospital. 

The chest x-ray was clear and my white cell count was up. After the nurse gave me some grief for having man flu, they sent me on my way with script for Panadeine Forte and bed rest.

Finally by Sunday just gone (2 weeks later) I felt semi human again. I have decided that “Man Flu” doesn’t actually exist. It’s just normal flu… we just can’t handle it as well as women. Sure over the last 18 months, I have grown ovaries and I am emotional, but I proved over the last 2 weeks that I am still a man. We are hopeless… we have a low pain threshold and we think that we are dying as soon as we get a sniffle, I have never been as sick with flu as I was the last 2 weeks… but I know if Mel had it like I did, she would have just sucked it up and ploughed through. This 100kg frame was levelled. This is is the reason men don’t have kids. If we did, we would have died out thousands of years ago. One guy would have had a kid, gone through pain that is unimaginable and he would have told his friends… they would have thought “Screw that… I’m not going through that!”… that’s it, end of humanity.